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Lebron Loves the Hype

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CLEVELAND, OHIO - The man known as "King James" shocked the sports world today by announcing he would forego his NBA free agency and instead sign with little known team The 2merican Dirt Devils. Potentially sacrificing hundreds of millions of dollars, Lebron says this unheralded move was done "just for the funk of it."

This amazing development, the latest in James' contractual ballyhoo that has gone into a fever pitch since Wednesday, is unheralded in the sports world even for a number 23. But unlike the process so far, this begs even more questions. Who are the Dirt Devils? What and where is 2merica? What does Kobe think?

For some answers on this rapidly developing story, we turned to Fugfayz Bookman, commissioner of the EBA, the league that sponsors the 2mericans. This mysterious basketball league won't divulge where they hold their games, the current standings, or even what the E stands for, but Mr. Bookman claims LeBron will fit right in. "We started a fight club, but with basketballs." When pressed about the ability of the Dirt Devils to match the Cleveland Cavaliers' multimillion dollar budget and lavish treatment of it's superstar players, Mr. Bookman boasted "We use eBay alot, so we have some nice stuff."

The only other EBL player making himself available to the press is Ezrazmus Jones, a forward for the 2merican squad and biggest star (until now). "We are excited" said the calm EzRaz, whose mercurial and magical nature on court has earned him the nickname "Elemento". "LeBron is a great Ohio Player so he should fit right in. I walk past that huge-ass sign of his all the time and I like it." When asked if he could release any further information on the team or the management he laughed and declined, but he did direct us to his compuserve electronic mail account. He then said "Twitter my gopher" and ended the interview.

Finally replying to our queries through email, Jones continued to boast about his team, seemingly unaware of the hoopla surrounding him and the situation. "We have some great young talent to add to the mix so it should be a killer year. Both Jak "DirtyHott" Hanksta and Dragon Mikocovic are young ballers, and we know Coach Rudy will work them in quickly."

Coach Rudolph Irisarzo is the man tasked with incorporating James' amazing talent. "I accept this challenge. It is a sign. LeBron will be surrounded with talent, a great group of guys." The King and two rookies will join an established core of big red Jaimeson "Sevenem" Lowell down low and Louie "Stonerock" Heat setting the tempo. Unlike the NBA, there will be plenty of balls to go around. "Now, the adjustment won't be easy" opines Irisarzo, "so we gone 'head and hired a personal liason for Lebron, a great fella named Jesus. LeBron will feel right at home with Jesus on speed-dial."

Stay tuned basketball fans as this story will be updated with breaking news. Surely you should refresh this story and yourself often. ¥Associated Pruss 2010
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