Get a tissue you will need it soon
The brat inside all of us.
Oh My W is retro already?
Check out how weird it feels to watch Ferrell’s W comment on current events:
Here’s the younger model of TRUMP! speaking the new coded nonsense word salad.
About 2 minutes in he starts flailing as the local reporter asks about the scam Trump Foundation, the scam Trump University, and the countless other scams probably hiding in plain site in his dad’s tax returns. Junior has probably never been questioned like this in his life. I bet people shudder thinking about a pissed off junior controlling their future.
He seems familiar. I’ve heard this level of rich guy idiocy before.
And who can forget his modern viewpoints on race:
Forgot to post this one from last month — thank you Jack Black and Jimmy Fallon for recreating this moment of MTV history:
An oldie but goodie joke updated for Today — Hitler doing his best to support Trump:
How to Jazz, Volume III:
The fun continues — Trump’s antics are driving the republicans crazy. He’s indefensible, leaving their defenses as pretty entertaining internet stuff.
Donald thinks judges of Mexican or Muslim descent can’t be impartial to him.
Judges of human descent can’t be impartial to this idiot.
“Look at my african-american over there” – Donald Trump, June 2016
Stacy! Listen to me!
Funny stuff from Lewis and Stephen.
1 of those is a real person.
This guy is a psychopath. Read the full transcript of a John Miller call here.
Check out the parts about him being called by all the beautiful women, you know, all the ones that People reports on, is how John Miller publicly relates it.
Wow the Republicans are fucked – they don’t even know half of the dirt they get with donny.
The archives are just opening into the fascinatingly horrible life he has made for himself. Money just can’t buy you love or class.
First we have this fascinating tale from 1991.
The one where little donny evicts his girlfriend Marla from one of his apartments, WHILE still married to Ivana…
WHILE at the same time planting the story in the local press that he’s now dating a famous Italian model…
WHILE AT THE SAME TIME pretending to be his own PR agent named John Miller and calling a reporter to confirm the story and brag further about his client’s beautiful conquests…
WHILE picking an Italian model that really existed, had nothing to do with him, who when hearing of this story called him a “lunatic”….
and who eventually ended up as the first lady of Italy!
YES. Read that again, take it in, then get even more sordid details here.
(Italy appears to be Donald’s model for the US – their prime minister for many years was a loudmouthed playboy who ran the media and had several lovers, if not sex parties, while PM.)
Next up there’s this video clip from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous in 1994 where don and now 2nd wife Marla are asked what they think they imparted into their 1 year old daughter.
Don actually says his baby received from her mother “nice legs and, well, it’s too soon to tell…” (cups his breasts)!
His 1 year old daughter.
Daddy thinks she already has sexy legs and soon enough, a nice rack.
This guy = yuck.
Yeah this same guy:
Also in the coming soon department – Trump Modeling Agency – we shall be investigating their use of work visas for bikini models and future wives, including Melanija Knavs, now known as Melania Trump.
How does that jibe with his immigration rhetoric? Horribly of course.
They might actually end up shooting at each other this summer in Cleveland. Lord knows Clevelanders and their cops spend enough time shooting at each other already. A million armed christians and wrestling fans should really mix well with the local poor and entirely liberal populace.
I’ve said from the start that the don didn’t want the white house. This is all a brand building move.
Cue his final act, suing everyone in america for not recognizing his greatness and crowning him king. Launch the new TV show by June.
A small bomb?
The Trews So Trews.
Funny stuff, and close to accurate, which in turn makes it scary.
Birds are fast – most in the air, a few on the ground.
Check out this ostrich running at a relaxed 30MPH with cyclists. Pretty amazing. Supposedly these birds are able to run for hours at high speed, besting most other land animals.
Thank god these kids see through the act. I ran across a group of kids spouting Trump sayings last week and I wanted to take them to their parents and be like ‘what the fuck!?!’
It’s amazing – the GOP candidate actually holds positions that can get kids in trouble in school. Not very presidential, that’s for sure.
A great intro by the 52 year old Steve Martin haha
Made you click!
Donny just called Teddy a P-U-S-S-Y because he doesn’t torture enough.
On mic, in front of a podium. Called that man a pussy. For not torturing enough.
Like Donny always does, he hid behind barely-plausible deniability. He led the crowd to the word then paused. A woman in the crowd shouted it out and well donny wanted us all to hear it, her word not his, that Ted Cruz is a pussy. He even mouthed the word, the crowd cheered, then started chanting the word.
But this isn’t the real story. We all know Trump’s schtick and crowd is pro wrestling trash. He’s the heel.
The entire media, particularly the conservative media, is ignoring this! Drudge – nothing. Fox – nothing. CNN, NBC, HuffPost – nothing. Pro-Trump sites like Breitbart and Lucianne? Crickets.
The candidate just called another candidate a pussy and there’s media silence on it.
Very strange. Points to conspiracy theory type of stuff. Would it not be good TV ripping this guy apart? Yet they seem bought off. Follow that Trump money I bet it props up some of those TV networks.
Or maybe this country is just in a spot where president bully calls people pussies as part of his communication style.
Idiocracy is coming sooner than I thought.
Is this the one? Is this the one you love? Go don!
don! don! don!
If a President Trump decides we need to “close up the internet in some way” like Candidate Trump wishes, is it even possible?
[Someone not to ask is Sarah Palin. She’s gotta be steaming mad that Trump stole her act.]
Ask the nerds of Slashdot.
Deport millions of illegals? Determine visitation based on religion? Build a 500 mile wall across the desert for free? Call China and ask for our money back? All are recent proposals of the yuuuge-brained Donald.
But close the internet?
This one has silly and serious details and made a great poll at Slashdot:
- Snip undersea fiber optic cables
- C4 or thermite on every BGP router
- Bulldoze, bulldoze, bulldoze!
- Steer all communication satellites into the Pacific
- Re-open the office of censorship
- Make unauthorized encryption a felony
- Ban figurative speech and nicknames
- Require Facebook login for everything
As of this writing, #8 was at 47%!
Let’s dissect this a bit.
- 1 is equivalent to cutting the plug and would be considered an act of war and corporate sabotage.
- 2 is a direct attack on the primary routers of the internet backbone and could probably be enacted by an agreement of world governments.
- 3 is funny. Thinking the internet is a building.
- 4 would be an awesome movie. But too much hardware up there to crash it all when they just put them all into reboot mode at the same time.
- 5 is right around the corner if/when we elect the next religious conservative. This could also be known as the Apple Store depending on your angle.
- 6 could be done through the legal system and seems a likely route if things continue on their current path.
- 7 could also be done through the legal system but I don’t see how they could enforce it since every system manages it’s own user list and people could continue to use aliases.
- 8 is the practical version of #7 which is why it is winning. BUT based on how much racism and other types of hatred are posted to Facebook every day, I don’t see the public shaming aspect of Facebook enough to control the entire population.
As usual, The Donald is clueless. He said he’d “talk to Bill Gates about this” like that would help!
Just like talk of banning Muslims hurts more than helps, The Donald’s believe that most illegals walk here through the Mexican desert. They don’t fly, drive, float, dig or legally enter their way here, they walk. So that big dumb wall would indeed get in their way. Trump!
Only North Korea can shut down the internet in their country. US Presidents have nowhere near the power of the North Korean dictator. Is that a problem, The Donald Sir Great and All Powerful Ruler Trump? You fucking idiot. Bring it. Tell me I’m nobody. You’re a yuuuuge assss.
Classic Mel Brooks.
Coalesce the vapor. Bullshit artist.
I think this post is best summed up from the immortal words of the New Age Bullshit Generator:
Have you found your myth? The biosphere is calling to you via supercharged waveforms. Can you hear it? It can be difficult to know where to begin.
The harmonizing of passion is now happening worldwide. It is a sign of things to come. The future will be a consciousness-expanding deepening of wonder.
Reality has always been buzzing with seekers whose hearts are nurtured by freedom. Throughout history, humans have been interacting with the stratosphere via molecular structures. Our conversations with other entities have led to an unfolding of hyper-primordial consciousness.
Some poor chap is actually named Phuc Dat Bich. Granted, when pronounced in his native language it does not sound like that. But Facebook can’t sort it all out and has deleted his account several times.
No Facebook account is better than having one, but still, can’t they stop their computers from deleting the guy?
No word on how his two sisters Slap Dat & Kil Dat survive on social media.
Nice throwback video from the Cavs:
Bill Burr could be america’s most underrated comic. His rants about our everyday social politics leave no one untouched. Not awkward, amazed just like me. It’s not right or left and it’s not playing the games we’ve built for ourselves, it’s keeping it all real.
Most of the people in the united states illegally did not walk across the mexican desert to get here.
This simple fact is continually ignored by Republicans. They don’t like facts.
Any kind of serious immigration reform isn’t going to involve a 600 mile wall across barren desert or a new Wetback brigade.
Look around – there aren’t any 600 miles border walls in existence because it’s not a cost effective way to curb illegal immigration.
The wall around Palestine is proposed to be 430 miles if/when complete, and besides running through populated areas and being declared by the Red Cross as violating the Geneva Convention, it’s purpose is to not stop immigration, it’s to stop violence between two groups who have been fighting for that territory for thousands of years. This is not the situation between US and Mexico.
The wall that was between East and West Berlin was 70 miles and an embarrassment to humanity.
The great wall of china crisscrossed for thousands of miles but was never used as an effective border and was built over hundreds of years by several emperors so don’t even bother.
Immigration reform is actually about visa reform, national record keeping, workers rights, hiring practices, security at airports/seaports/trainstations/highways and proper enforcement of laws already on the books.
It’s also about dealing with the sad truth that american’s don’t want (and can’t afford) to pay for food that was farmed and harvested by americans making a proper wage.
Comedian Ron White summarizing this nicely
Such senseless violence. From Lucky 7 News:
Jon Oliver set up a real fake church on his show in an attempt to expose the evils of televangelism and and he got a little more than he bargained for. Too funny.
The obvious back story to “Jessie’s Girl”
Sing it, sing it!
Ouch. The Washington Post does a bit of simple journalism to nail the donald on his obvious bullshittery.
He is making it up as he goes like a reality TV star does. He’s playing this game well, bullying his way to the top of the GOP, just to leave them broken and as confused as usual.
The republican blog RedState made news the other day when they rescinded their invitation to Donald Trump to speak at their event meeting the Republican hopefuls.
RedState did this based on his exchange with Meghan Kelly about women, and more specifically his response on CNN after the debate where Trump said Kelly had it out for him and “had blood coming out of her eyes, or her wherever…”.
It was close enough to “she’s on her period” to get a lot of people upset, including the friendly GOPers at RedState. See, their head guy has a daughter now, and he couldn’t believe Trump went there (or might have).
Of course a lot of the site’s readers didn’t agree and backed Trump. They had a few words for Kelly that would get you fired if used at work.
Today? Front page article about Jeb and Hillary starting with the gem
If Hillary Clinton possesses any unique selling propostion beyond proving even a homely woman can sleep her way into power, it is her tenure as Barack Obama’s secretary of state.
That’s a compliment about her extensive resume that claims she only achieved it by sleeping around. Also, since she was such a slut while also being so physically unattractive, this makes her – yes -a groundbreaking woman.
This is their compliment. Ugly slut, right on the front page.
This is the same site that banned Trump from their event and most of his followers from their site.
So much entertainment at this point in the campaign.
Wait till the Tea Party makes their big pitch for Trump, puts someone on TV to explain how The Donald and The Tea Party are made for each other. Their face might explode with irony.
This is priceless. I hope Donald Trump stays in the Republican race as long as possible!
This is a pretty despicable man, famous for his wealth, his bombast, his ridiculous hair, and his inability to stop self-promoting.
He is the classic high-school rich kid bully, screaming LOSER at anyone that challenges him, then letting them know he has more money so therefore is obviously a better person. He does this to everyone, fully bullying even the national media in a way unlike anyone since Ann Coulter.
He has started picking up the Palin idiots. These fools believe he is an “outsider” even though he’s been playing with (and buying) politicians for decades now. Even Democrats! Hillary Clinton went to his daughter’s wedding. According to him, she had to because he wrote her a huge check. What a tea partier!
He has started picking up the Hannity and Glen Beck idiots too, because of his ability to say anything to anyone, no matter how tasteless, useless or contradictory to past statements it is. He is the red meat king, even if none of his past actions line up with their politics.
He was pro-choice before pro-life, pro-nationalized health care before he was against it, regarding the Iraq War, he said Bush picked the wrong enemy and that we should have invaded Mexico. Really.
To go along with the theme – most of the merchendise with his name plastered all over it in caps is made in China and Mexico. Who is gonna save America again?
Then there’s just the basic concept of who this man is. Avoiding what comes out of his mouth, which is really hard to take seriously if you are not impressed by wealth, still leaves you
with all of the evidence of his ego.
Remember the criticisms of Obama during the campaign because of his Hope poster and the round presidential-looking seal on his podium? That was considered too much branding by these same people.
This should be fun.
Heehee great Cleveland joke hidden in this cartoon about the gods of sport wanting to fix basketball. We love our sports drama!
For 17 years Jon Stewart has given much of late night America their politics and culture in a groundbreaking comedy format. The Daily Show was uniquely funny and timely like very few other formats, and the gamut of guests kept things interesting. But the real stars of the show are the comedians doing pre-packaged and in-studio bits.
Jon was the perfect straight man to all their bumbling, and he announced on his show that he won’t be renewing his contract and that he wants to have dinner on a school night with his family because he has heard through multiple sources that they are quite pleasant.
Here’s a funny look back at all the big names in comedy that got their fame starting with The Daily Show, along with some of the clips that made the show legendary.
Many of us don’t “go into the office” anymore. New cubicle farms are not spreading across the land.
The coffeeshop is the office, the extra bedroom is a command center, or you do your work while mobile through phones and laptops, drive a truck, talk to real humans and avoid the computers. Home offices are very common and not going away.
So the architects are trying to figure out how to build the new modern office. Pretty interesting read.
The pictures reminded me first of Starbucks…. no, a little more like a Schlotski’s…. no wait, where have I seen that place before?
First I gotta meet with HR about health benefits.
Then the client is coming in for that review meeting at 11 and I have a feeling he’s gonna give us a hard time about the project.
The Onion gives us an update on yet another pathetic, washed-up rock star:
I bet this guy believes in HD Audio too ;-).
Missed this when it first came out – pretty cool 80’s music video:
Syncing your brain and vocal cords, it’s the new NoPhone!
Lofty title true, but I laughed harder than I have in years at this Shred remix of the Kennedy Center Honoree Led Zeppelin.
There’s more great Shredding in my youtube playlist:
We’ve finally gone big time! The Colbert Report has chosen my congressional district to focus on with “Better Know A District” featuring my congresswoman Marcia Fudge. Pretty funny stuff.
Here’s part 1:
and Part 2:
Cleveland jokes are common and most suck, but Colbert made me laugh a few times on this one.
Funniest Gifs of all time of the week ;-):
BTW is anyone still debating how to pronounce GIF? I say “Giff” like most people I hear say it, but the creator of the format likes to tell people that it’s pronounced J not G, “Jiff” not “Giff”. Some of my nerdy friends still insist on correcting people who say Giff. Just saying.
You don’t need to hit the Dali Museum in Tampa (highly recommended) to get a good dose of surrealism – just check out what the panorama feature in camera phones has been doing out in the wild:
The physics of ragdoll movement when applied to World Cup. Enjoy!
Sometimes you just have to scream…
You will not regret clicking that link. Photoshop fun time!
Makes my list for one of the funniest flix ever, and Farva steals every scene he’s in, awesome:
Starring Kevin Heffernan as Officer Rod Farva
They do look alike — Will Ferrell and Chad Smith have a drum off, pretty funny:
Good overview of zings from Obama’s comedy bit at this years Correspondents Dinner, aka “Nerd Prom”, the annual event where the news media and politicians party (in front of the camera) and the media gets roasted.
Youtube has the whole set, along with the headliner Joel from Talk Soup dropping some nasty ones on the crowd (… ‘this is the one night where Hollywood and Washington mingle, but you can easily tell them apart – Hollywood are the ones that don’t look like ghouls. Look around.’)