Get a tissue you will need it soon
The brat inside all of us.
Oh My W is retro already?
Check out how weird it feels to watch Ferrell’s W comment on current events:
Forgot to post this one from last month — thank you Jack Black and Jimmy Fallon for recreating this moment of MTV history:
How to Jazz, Volume III:
Stacy! Listen to me!
Funny stuff from Lewis and Stephen.
Funny stuff, and close to accurate, which in turn makes it scary.
Louie just went on a long rant about donny and what’s going on out there in his fan email list. As usual he nails it 100%, down to the last excruciatingly personal detail about how we are all feeding the beast. We all have the monkey on our back:
And that voting for Trump is a way of saying “fuck it. Fuck them all”. I really get it. It’s a version of national Suicide. Or it’s like a big hit off of a crack pipe. Somehow we can’t help it. Or we know that if we vote for Trump our phones will be a reliable source of dopamine for the next four years. I mean I can’t wait to read about Trump every day. It’s a rush. But you have to know this is not healthy. — Louie “CK” Szekely
Here’s the full text:
P.S. Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is Hitler. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over who would say anything at all.
And I’m not advocating for Hillary or Bernie. I like them both but frankly I wish the next president was a conservative only because we had Obama for eight years and we need balance. And not because I particularly enjoy the conservative agenda. I just think the government should reflect the people. And we are about 40 percent conservative and 40 percent liberal. When I was growing up and when I was a younger man, liberals and conservatives were friends with differences. They weren’t enemies. And it always made sense that everyone gets a president they like for a while and then hates the president for a while. But it only works if the conservatives put up a good candidate. A good smart conservative to face the liberal candidate so they can have a good argument and the country can decide which way to go this time.
Trump is not that. He’s an insane bigot. He is dangerous.
He already said he would expand libel laws to sue anyone who “writes a negative hit piece” about him. He says “I would open up the libel laws so we can sue them and win lots of money. Not like now. These guys are totally protected.” He said that. He has promised to decimate the first amendment. (If you think he’s going to keep the second amendment intact you’re delusional.) And he said that Paul Ryan, speaker of the house will “pay” for criticizing him. So I’m saying this now because if he gets in there we won’t be able to criticize him anymore.
Please pick someone else. Like John Kasich. I mean that guy seems okay. I don’t like any of them myself but if you’re that kind of voter please go for a guy like that. It feels like between him and either democrat we’d have a decent choice. It feels like a healthier choice. We shouldn’t have to vote for someone because they’re not a shocking cunt billionaire liar.
We should choose based on what direction the country should go.
I get that all these people sound like bullshit soft criminal opportunists. The whole game feels rigged and it’s not going anywhere but down anymore. I feel that way sometimes.
If you are a true conservative. Don’t vote for Trump. He is not one of you. He is one of him. Everything you have heard him say that you liked, if you look hard enough you will see that he one day said the exact opposite. He is playing you.
In fact, if you do vote for Trump, at least look at him very carefully first. You owe that to the rest of us. Know and understand who he is. Spend one hour on google and just read it all. I don’t mean listen to me or listen to liberals who put him down. Listen to your own people. Listen to John Mccain. Go look at what he just said about Trump. “At a time when our world has never been more complex or more in danger… I want Republican voters to pay close attention to what our party’s most respected and knowledgeable leaders and national security experts are saying about Mr. Trump, and to think long and hard about who they want to be our next Commander-in-Chief and leader of the free world.”
When Trump was told what he said, Trump said “Oh, he did? Well, that’s not nice,” he told CBS News’ chief White House correspondent Major Garrett. “He has to be very careful.”
When pressed on why, Trump tacked on: “He’ll find out.”
(I cut and pasted that from CBS news)
Do you really want a guy to be president who threatens John McCain? Because John McCain cautiously and intelligently asked for people to be thoughtful before voting for him? He didn’t even insult Trump. He just asked you to take a good look. And Trump told him to look out.
Remember that Trump entered this race by saying that McCain is not a war hero. A guy who was shot down, body broken and kept in a POW camp for years. Trump said “I prefer the guys who don’t get caught.” Why did he say that? Not because he meant it or because it was important to say. He said it because he’s a bully and every bully knows that when you enter a new school yard, you go to the toughest most respected guy on the yard and you punch him in the nose. If you are still standing after, you’re the new boss. If Trump is president, he’s not going to change. He’s not going to do anything for you. He’s going to do everything for himself and leave you in the dust.
So please listen to fellow conservatives. But more importantly, listen to Trump. Listen to all of it. Everything he says. If you liked when he said that “torture works” then go look at where he took it back the next day. He’s a fucking liar.
A vote for Trump is so clearly a gut-vote, and again I get it. But add a little brain to it and look the guy up. Because if you vote for him because of how you feel right now, the minute he’s president, you’re going to regret it. You’re going to regret it even more when he gives the job to his son. Because American democracy is broken enough that a guy like that could really fuck things up. That’s how Hitler got there. He was voted into power by a fatigued nation and when he got inside, he did all his Hitler things and no one could stop him.
Again, I’m not saying vote democrat or vote for anyone else. If Hilary ends up president it should be because she faced the best person you have and you and I both chose her or him or whoever. Trump is not your best. He’s the worst of all of us. He’s a symptom to a problem that is very real. But don’t vote for your own cancer. You’re better than that.
That’s just my view. At least right now. I know I’m not qualified or particularly educated and I’m not right instead of you. I’m an idiot and I’m sure a bunch of you are very annoyed by this. Fucking celebrity with an opinion. I swear this isn’t really a political opinion. You don’t want to know my political opinions. (And I know that I’m only bringing myself trouble with this shit.) Trump has nothing to do with politics or ideology. He has to do with himself.
And really I don’t mean to insult anyone. Except Trump. I mean to insult him very much. And really I’m not saying he’s evil or a monster. In fact I don’t think Hitler was. The problem with saying that guys like that are monsters is that we don’t see them coming when they turn out to be human, which they all are. Everyone is.
Trump is a messed up guy with a hole in his heart that he tries to fill with money and attention. He can never ever have enough of either and he’ll never stop trying. He’s sick. Which makes him really really interesting. And he pulls you towards him which somehow feels good or fascinatingly bad. He’s not a monster. He’s a sad man. But all this makes him horribly dangerous if he becomes president. Give him another TV show. Let him pay to put his name on buildings. But please stop voting for him. And please watch Horace and Pete.
Thank god these kids see through the act. I ran across a group of kids spouting Trump sayings last week and I wanted to take them to their parents and be like ‘what the fuck!?!’
It’s amazing – the GOP candidate actually holds positions that can get kids in trouble in school. Not very presidential, that’s for sure.
A great intro by the 52 year old Steve Martin haha
Is this the one? Is this the one you love? Go don!
don! don! don!
Classic Mel Brooks.
Coalesce the vapor. Bullshit artist.
I think this post is best summed up from the immortal words of the New Age Bullshit Generator:
Have you found your myth? The biosphere is calling to you via supercharged waveforms. Can you hear it? It can be difficult to know where to begin.
The harmonizing of passion is now happening worldwide. It is a sign of things to come. The future will be a consciousness-expanding deepening of wonder.
Reality has always been buzzing with seekers whose hearts are nurtured by freedom. Throughout history, humans have been interacting with the stratosphere via molecular structures. Our conversations with other entities have led to an unfolding of hyper-primordial consciousness.
Bill Burr could be america’s most underrated comic. His rants about our everyday social politics leave no one untouched. Not awkward, amazed just like me. It’s not right or left and it’s not playing the games we’ve built for ourselves, it’s keeping it all real.
Such senseless violence. From Lucky 7 News:
Jon Oliver set up a real fake church on his show in an attempt to expose the evils of televangelism and and he got a little more than he bargained for. Too funny.
The obvious back story to “Jessie’s Girl”
Heehee great Cleveland joke hidden in this cartoon about the gods of sport wanting to fix basketball. We love our sports drama!
For 17 years Jon Stewart has given much of late night America their politics and culture in a groundbreaking comedy format. The Daily Show was uniquely funny and timely like very few other formats, and the gamut of guests kept things interesting. But the real stars of the show are the comedians doing pre-packaged and in-studio bits.
Jon was the perfect straight man to all their bumbling, and he announced on his show that he won’t be renewing his contract and that he wants to have dinner on a school night with his family because he has heard through multiple sources that they are quite pleasant.
Here’s a funny look back at all the big names in comedy that got their fame starting with The Daily Show, along with some of the clips that made the show legendary.
The cray crays in North Korea are cracking me up. Like the average american white guy on Facebook these days, they can’t keep their racist opinions to themselves anymore.
I’m sure you have heard by now that the latest Seth Rogan/James Franco comedy involves North Korea and their ridiculous government, and a hacking group calling themselves “Guardians of Peace” scored a minor victory by frightening enough lawyers with terrorist threats to pull the movie from mainstream release across the US on December 25th. President Obama rightly called this a mistake and promised some sort of unspecified retaliation.
Sony Pictures relented and decided to release the movie through the internet and independent theaters and it’s starting to get some viewership. Also this week North Korea’s limited internet connection has been knocked out several times. This has prompted a round of announcements from the North Korean government that might be funnier than the movie itself:
“U.S. President Obama is the chief culprit who forced the Sony Pictures Entertainment to indiscriminately distribute the movie and took the lead in appeasing and blackmailing cinema houses and theatres in the U.S. mainland to distribute the movie,” North Korea’s National Defense Commission said Saturday, according to state-run media.
“Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest.”
Regarding the original hack on Sony Pictures being attributed to North Korea, they further added:
“If the U.S. is to persistently insist that the hacking attack was made by the DPRK, the U.S. should produce evidence without fail, though belatedly. If the U.S. persists in American-style arrogant, high-handed and gangster-like arbitrary practices despite the repeated warnings of the DPRK, the U.S. should bear in mind that its failed political affairs will face inescapable deadly blows.”
First off, how do you appease and blackmail at the same time? Or do they believe our president spends his time appeasing and/or blackmailing theater chains? Haha yeah right.
Then there’s the monkey comment, the second time in 2 weeks they have launched that racial firebomb. I do think rednecks and racists in the US will twist into a pretzel on this news, do they defend Obama or agree with the DPRK?
Finally, I love how they claim the US government are the “gangsters” when US citizens are allowed to both create and view comedy and art that deals with any number of controversial subjects without fear of arrest, much less death. Do you think gangsters give their prey a bill of rights?
Haha, North Korea you are so ridiculous. Ridiculous is also the word of the day on Sesame Street, a show you probably don’t allow your citizens to see. Oh and you don’t allow them to leave either, so shove it up your backwards-living asses.
Turnabout is fair play. They continue to refer to Jay Z as “a former crack dealer” so The Daily Show helps them correct their own guests.
I’d add “war criminal”, “shot his friend in the face”, “can’t spell potato”, “on his 5th wife” and “multiple allegations of money laundering” to the list.
The Onion gives us an update on yet another pathetic, washed-up rock star:
I bet this guy believes in HD Audio too ;-).
Missed this when it first came out – pretty cool 80’s music video:
Lofty title true, but I laughed harder than I have in years at this Shred remix of the Kennedy Center Honoree Led Zeppelin.
There’s more great Shredding in my youtube playlist:
We’ve finally gone big time! The Colbert Report has chosen my congressional district to focus on with “Better Know A District” featuring my congresswoman Marcia Fudge. Pretty funny stuff.
Here’s part 1:
and Part 2:
Cleveland jokes are common and most suck, but Colbert made me laugh a few times on this one.
Funniest Gifs of all time of the week ;-):
BTW is anyone still debating how to pronounce GIF? I say “Giff” like most people I hear say it, but the creator of the format likes to tell people that it’s pronounced J not G, “Jiff” not “Giff”. Some of my nerdy friends still insist on correcting people who say Giff. Just saying.
You will not regret clicking that link. Photoshop fun time!
Makes my list for one of the funniest flix ever, and Farva steals every scene he’s in, awesome:
Starring Kevin Heffernan as Officer Rod Farva
They do look alike — Will Ferrell and Chad Smith have a drum off, pretty funny:
Good write up on the soon to be retiring David Letterman:
Funny stuff, fun with video effects:
Hahaha pranking the news is excellent!
This guy, one of the founders of the Found Footage Festival (a mashup of the worst of unintentionally-bad found video), decided he was bored with promoting the festival on morning shows, so he decided to have some fun with the media and created this fictional yo-yo pro. Yes there’s such things.
And of course the local news will book him. Show us some tricks, K-Strass!
These guys just made news again by creating a fake cookbook written by a fake chef (Something about remixing leftovers!) and getting booked for full cooking segments, where host after host just went with the disgusting things being prepared. Desperate folks those local media types ;-).
Sad, another movie star favorite passes on. Harold Ramis, too funny, so funny, you will be missed.
Conan picking on the interns, funny.
Great episode of The Cleveland Show where Cleveland’s mother Cookie, fed up with years of neglect from her husband, takes off with George Clinton – first aboard the mothership, then aboard the tour bus. She goes 20 rounds with George before her man forms a funk group to win her back!
Funny stuff. Cleveland show is a great show that just got cancelled. The first 3 seasons were pretty excellent. It’s on Netflix and maybe Hulu, but not on Youtube.
It’s like the Jimmy Fallon show from 1974. 2 legends bustin balls
Twisted Mr. Show fun.
Snoop Dogg presents one of the finest commercials to ever air:
Turkeys, chickens, I know. But I can never get this out of my head all Thanksgiving day. So I now infect you with it.
Bonus points because that’s his actual parents in the car.
Promo for Best. Movie. Ever.
Well done, sir.
Finally, a translation guide.
It’s under the comedy category but I swear most of these are 100% accurate and used daily by our republican candidates and politicians. Nothing funny about that.
You are welcome.