Effective September 1 2014
All caucasian baseball fans of European decent are to re-locate to the Black Mesa Preserve in Western Oklahoma.
Bring all loved ones and the belongings you need as you will not be returning to your homes. Ever.
At Black Mesa you will find there is no economy, river, or even farmable lands so you will be forced to carve out a meager existence however possible.
Most of your family will die off within a decade and your blood line will be threatened.
But you will be able to preserve your history and culture, and continue watching baseball in this wonderful country!
Feel free to drink your pain away, as liquor will be abundant in this remote locale, unlike essential goods and services.
You have 90 days to comply with this order of the US Interior Department, backed fully by the US Armed Forces.
If you resist this lawful order you will be removed from living and no longer be allowed to stop progress. People of color need your land.
If you live through the resettling over the winter you will ready for spring training 2015!
Major League Baseball also announced that they will be incorporating funny images of your dead relatives into their marketing, with the hopes of continuing to make millions of dollars exploiting you.
Your dead grandpa was such a slick yahoo! As his nation and legacy was destroyed we still wonder, why the long face? Do the dance, put on the feathers, so cool!
Your family will soon be in ruin, your bloodline threatened or ended, your homeland taken from you. You are left with no future, no valuable land, and no country that cares for you.